Yay so I'm finally done with my Ph.D Final Review! I have been a complete nervous wreck in the weeks leading up to this.
Although I still have a final thesis to submit, amongst heaps of other things I need to prepare for, I am very glad indeed that this major hurdle is over.
Back to my Review- I was so nervous and I think that reflected physiologically in my case. I was breaking out in terrible bouts of urticaria, had headaches that would last for days and my sleep pattern was greatly disturbed. I was also battling some other medical issues. Thinking back, I am now unsure if it was solely due to the impending Review or the fact that an "end of an era" was upon me.
The Review itself went fine, I didn't fumble as much as I thought I would during the talk and the Q&A session wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be either. I was quite prepared for the questions, the main difficulty I had was in phrasing them right. Whenever I am nervous, I would just go blank. Senseless words and broken sentences would tumble out of my mouth even if I know the answer well in my brain.
Anyhow, I got my score the very next day. I was given 460/500, or 92%! The passing mark is 350. Being the never-good-enough crazy person that I can be, my first thought when I saw my score was, "Whatever happened to the 40 points..?". We were at morning tea when I received my score via e-mail and Dr. A, a colleague of mine, saw my slightly disappointed face and said, "You're not in Asia!". Ha! I found that really funny. This is me generalizing but you know how it tends to be with Asians hey, scoring 99% is still not considered good because.... "WHERE IS THE MISSING 1%?! DID YOU NOT STUDY HARD ENOUGH, YOU USELESS BASTARD!".
My folks were pretty pleased with my score but I knew they were itching to ask about the missing 40 points. To spare them the misery, I brought it up and sure enough, the dam broke. Ha! "Oh yes, so which section did they mark you down?", I was asked casually. I think I was marked down on experimental creativity and perhaps on the knowledge segment as well, because I was not really able to independently answer one of the questions that I was asked. I did anticipate that question but somehow forgot to get clarification on it.
So anyway, I am pretty happy with how everything went and I guess the cherry on top of the icing was that I received a lot of good comments from my Reviewers. Although I still don't feel independent enough or good enough as of yet, I've made a promise to myself that one day, I will get there!
My supervisor, Dr. O was really awesome throughout. I owe it all to him and I cannot claim credit for anything at all, indeed. Without his patience, guidance and friendship, I would be nowhere. I cannot express in words, the thanksgiving and appreciation I have for him. I count myself really, really fortunate and blessed to have such a wise and genuine person as my mentor. In him, I have found myself a confidante and a best friend. I am not by nature a very optimistic person, but he has always encouraged me, egged me along and was my only cheering squad when nobody thought I was good enough. These 4 or 5 years that I've known him, will be amongst the best years of my life, and I will always hold this time very close to my heart. I must have done something really good in my past life to have deserved such a blessing!
I would also like to thank my man, Mr. C, for being ever so patient with me during this time. Having to juggle full-time work at the Lab, part-time (almost full-time actually) Masters, volunteering at Red Cross on Sunday mornings and me on the side, I really have to give it him. Those who know me, know that I can be very difficult at times so I really am grateful that he has held my hand throughout my Hons and Ph.D. Sure, we have had it really tough before and many a times, I really thought we wouldn't make it through the storm. But we did. So now, it will be my turn to support him through his Masters. Thank you for being The Constant in my life. I couldn't ask for more.
Of course I have my folks to thank too. I am sure they had fitful sleep in the week leading up to my Review. I was receiving encouraging text messages every other day from them despite me acting up from time to time. Texts from my Dad surprised me in particular because he has never really been the encouraging sort. I miss both Mum and Dad greatly and I can't wait to see them soon!
Lastly, I would like to express my thanks for my friends and colleagues who have always been telling me "You'll be fine! You have nothing to worry about!". After our move to the new Institute, I think I've gotten to know everyone a lot better and we're closer now as a lab. I consider my labmates my extended family, people I can count on whenever I need help at work. I think the culture in our lab is really different from other labs and I feel so fortunate to be a part of it.
So now, I just have to finish the last leg of this race- thesis writing and submission alongside more experiments and my 2 other casual jobs!
Thank you Abba Father, for putting the right kind of people right where and when I need them in my life! I feel so blessed and I know very well that all this would not have been possible without your Divine assistance!
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